How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?