The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday