Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
