Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
