i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love you.
Bad choice
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