I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.