Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
