The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...