The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...