how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.