You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You need Xanax blowdarts
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure