Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play