Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
