Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
