wanna go halves on a baby?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
