Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
