It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got inside last night via doggy door
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
