Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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