Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
