we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
