Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
