chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
