I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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