1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
