Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
