her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dear god my vagina.
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