oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
