I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
