the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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