Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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