I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
