living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
