So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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