i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
