Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
