I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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