i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
