dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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