i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
