You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
