I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
