I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
