I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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