Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
