I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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