If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
where am i from again
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
