OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's just like the Real World with babies
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
