I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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