I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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