What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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