Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
