just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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