I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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