he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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