living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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