i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
