What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
