I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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