Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
