Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
