dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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