I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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