No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
