i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
