I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My penis needs a shock collar
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
