I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who died my cat blue again?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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