you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
