You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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