thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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