I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
