I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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