well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
