I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
