i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
