Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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