i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
honey bunches of taint.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
